The absolute worst Things to say to a Police Officer

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: entertainment humor jokes fun police officer

• I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
• Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
• Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
• Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me! Good job!
• Excuse me. Is "stick up" hyphenated?
• I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
• I was going to be a cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
• Bad cop! No donut!
• You're not gonna check the boot, are you?
• Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on Cops ?
• You look just like the guy in the picture on my girlfriend's nightstand.
• I pay your salary!
• So, duhhhh, you on the take, or what?
• Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too.
• Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
• I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there is no other car around, that's how far ahead of me they are.
• What do you mean, "Have I been drinking?" You're the trained specialist.
• Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off my lap and got lodged between the brake pedal and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.
• Hey, is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum.
• No, YOU assume the position, Piggy.
• I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!
• If I bend over, will I still get a ticket?
• No, offi, offic, lucifer . . . I'm not as think you are drunk I am. I swear to dog.
• No, I don't know how fast I was going. The little needle stops at 110.
• Back off Barney, I've got a piece.
• Want to race to the station, Sparky?
• I know I was weaving, but I was trying to hit all the little green men!
• On the way to the station let's get a six pack.
• You'll never get those cuffs on me. . . You Pussy!
• Come on write the damn ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!
• Hey, wasn't your daughter a porn queen?
• How long is this going to take? Your wife is expecting me.
• Hey officer is that your nightstick or are you just glad to see me?
• What do you use those rubber gloves for?