Arcade Game Wisdom

A list by

Tags

: entertainment humor video games arcade games arcade leisure games wisdom

• There is no problem that cannot be overcome by violence.
• Piloting any vehicle is simple and requires no training.
• You can overcome most adversaries simply by having enough coins.
• If it moves, KILL IT!
• One good guy can defeat an indeterminate number of bad guys.
• Bosses always hire henchmen weaker then they are to do their easy work.
• If you see food lying on the ground, eat it.
• You can smash things and get away with it.
• Smashing things doesn't hurt.
• Many nice things are hidden inside other things.
• You can knock other vehicles off the road and get away with it.
• If someone dies, they disappear.
• Money is frequently found lying on the streets.
• All shopkeepers carry high-tech weapons.
• If you get mad enough, you can fight even more fiercely than normal.
• If it's on the ground, pick it up.
• Repulsive, ugly, cannibalistic, evil beings have just as much right to be loved as heroic fighters.
• The operation of any weapon is a simple and obvious procedure.
• You never run out of ammunition, just grenades.
• No matter how long you fight, you can always fight again.
• "Bad guys" move in predictable patterns.
• Except for "bosses," most "bad guys" can be dispatched with one hit.
• It is easier to face a large mob of "bad guys" then a single "boss" in one on one combat.
• Death is reversible (but only for you!).
• Ninjas are common, and fight in public frequently.
• Shooting innocents hurts.
• Whenever huge fat evil men are about to die, they begin flashing red or yellow.
• When you are born, you drop out of the sky (a stork?) and are completely invincible for a very short time.
• Although the enemy always has more aircraft than you, they fly in elaborate patterns which make it easier for you to shoot them all down.
• All female martial artists wear revealing clothes and have great bodies.
• All martial arts men have rippling muscles and angry expressions.
• The enemy always leaves weapons and other goodies lying around for no reason other than so their bitter enemy can pick them up and defeat them with them.
• Shoot everything. If it blows up or dies, it was evil and deserved it. If it survives, pick it up - it was probably a bonus.
• The most powerful fighters always wait until you have achieved a nearly impossible flawless win record and killed a record number of opponents before they appear in your presence and beat the crud out of you.
• When the odds are 200 to 1 against you, it's no problem.
• Gang members all look the same, and often have the same names.
• When racing, don't worry if your vehicle crashes and explodes. A new one will appear in its place.
• Carpe diem! You only live three times!