How To Take A Shower Like A Woman

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• 1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
• 2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.
• 3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can complain and whine even more about how you're getting fat.
• 4. Get in the shower. Look for facecloth, arm-cloth, leg-cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
• 5. Wash your hair once with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
• 6. Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
• 7. Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner enhanced with natural crocus oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes.
• 8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red raw.
• 9. Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
• 10. Rinse conditioner off hair (this takes at least fifteen minutes as you must make sure that it has all come off).
• 11. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area but decide to get it waxed instead.
• 12. Scream loudly when your boyfriend/husband flushes the toilet and you lose the water pressure.
• 13. Turn off shower.
• 14. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
• 15. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small African country.Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.
• 16. Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit. Attack with nails/tweezers if found.
• 17. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
• 18. If you see your boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed and then rush to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.