A Woman's Random Thoughts

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• Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
• Reason to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
• Women over 50 don't have babies because they would put them down and forget where they left them.
• One of life's mysteries is how a 2 pound box of candy can make a woman gain 5 pounds.
• My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.
• The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
• The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you're doing, someone else does.
• The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.
• Just when I was used to yesterday, along came today.
• Sometimes I think I understand everything, then I regain consciousness.
• Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks two sizes!
• Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like, "you know sometimes I just forget to eat." Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of st
• A friend of mine confused her valium with her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't really care.
• They keep telling us to get in touch with our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as a bell my body said, "
• I know what Victoria's Secret is. The secret is that nobody older than 30 can fit into their stuff.
• If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a noose around your neck?
• Send this to 5 bright women you know and make their day!