The Top 50 Signs You have A Drinking Problem

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• 1. You lose arguments with inanimate objects
• 2. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth
• 3. Job interfering with your drinking.
• 4. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream.
• 5. Career won't progress beyond Senator from Massachusetts.
• 6. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.
• 7. Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group.
• 8. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence??
• 9. Two hands and just one mouth...
• 10. "Norm!" is what they say when you enter the bar.
• 11. When you can focus better with one eye closed
• 12. The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar
• 13. Every woman you see has an exact twin.
• 14. You wake up to find Windows 95 installed on your machine.
• 15. If you keep asking your wife "where are the kids?" but you don't really have a wife. She's really your couch. Plus you have nothing but beer
• 16. You fall off the floor...
• 17. Discover in morning liquid cleaning supplies have mysteriously disappeared
• 18. Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops.
• 19. Had "Spuds McKenzie" tattoo removed, replaced it with "Red Dog."
• 20. Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner!
• 21. Beer: it's not just for breakfast anymore.
• 22. The glass keeps missing your mouth!
• 23. Pat Buchanan starts to make sense
• 24. When you go to donate blood and they ask what proof??
• 25. Vampires catch a buzz after attacking you [also mosquitoes!]
• 26. Only drinking problem is not having a drink right now
• 27. At AA meeting you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..."
• 28. Your idea of cutting back is less seltzer
• 29. When vomiting becomes a relief
• 30. Having a hard time staying on the side walk - left, right stumble fall
• 31. You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, and you fell asleep clothed.
• 32. The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in...
• 33. You think the Four Basic Food Groups are Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, and Women.
• 34. Every night you're beginning to find your roommate's cat more and more attractive.
• 35. Hi ocifer. I'm not under the affluence of incohol.
• 36. Waking up with a traffic cone between your legs
• 37. I'm not drunk... you're just sober...
• 38. Problem? I Drink, I get Drunk, I Fall down....No Problem
• 39. If you're on a diet, you cut back your food calories to allow for alcohol calories
• 40. Even Johnny stops doing jokes about your drinking.
• 41. The bourbon bottle's empty...that's the problem! - Hey...let's go get some more!
• 42. Find yourself as the captain for the Exxon Valdez.
• 43. When the bar owner actually carved your name onto your own barstool
• 44. Roseanne looks good.
• 45. Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of glass
• 46. Your LIKE to watch Barney because you're so drunk already!
• 47. That damned pink elephant followed me home again.
• 48. You find yourself actually enjoying the food at that all night greasy spoon!!!!
• 49. The Whisky Ainpit Working Anymoer
• 50. Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you