100 Reasons It's Better to be a Guy

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• Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
• Movie nudity is virtually always female.
• You know stuff about tanks.
• A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
• Monday Night Football.
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• Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
• You can open all your own jars.
• Old friends don't give you crap if you've lost or gained weight.
• Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.
• When clicking through the channel, you don't have to stall of every shot of someone crying.
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• A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
• Guys in hockey masks don't attack you.
• You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
• You understand why Stripes is funny.
• You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
• Your last name stays put.
• You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
• When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
• You can kill your own food.
• The garage is all yours.
• You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
• You see the humor in Terms of Endearment.
• Nobody secretly wonders if you swallow.
• You never have to clean the toilet.
• You can be showered and ready in 10 minutes.
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• Wedding plans take care of themselves.
• If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
• Your underwear is $10 for a three pack.
• The National College Cheerleading Championship.
• None of your co-workers have the power to make you cry.
• You don't have to shave below your neck.
• You don't have to curl up next to a hairy person every nite.
• If you're 34 and single nobody notices.
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• Everything on your face stays its original color.
• Chocolate is just another snack.
• You can be President.
• You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger seat.
• Flowers fix everything.
• You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
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• You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
• Three pair of shoes are more than enough.
• You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
• You can say anything and not worry about what people think.
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• Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
• Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into the room.
• You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
• You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader iscoming by.
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• Car mechanics tell you the truth.
• You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
• You can watch a game in silence with you buddy for hours withouteven thinking, "He must be mad at me."
• The world is your urinal.
• You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover isabout to leave you.
• You get to jump up and slap stuff.
• Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
• One mood, all the time.
• You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to looklike him.
• You never have to drive to another gas station because this one'sjust too skeevy.
• You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
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• Same work....more pay.
• Gray hair and wrinkles add character.
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• Wedding Dress $2000; Tux rental $100.
• You don't care if someone is talking about you behind your back.
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• You don't mooch off others' desserts.
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• The remote is yours and yours alone.
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• ESPN's sports center.
• You can drop by to see a friend without bringing a little gift.
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• You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
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• You needn't pretend you're "freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
• If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tellyour friends you've changed.
• Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
• You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "?*#@ it!"
• If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, youmight become lifelong buddies.
• Princess Di's death was almost just another obituary.
• The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
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• You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
• If something mechanical didn't work, you can bash it with ahammer and throw it across the room.
• New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
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• You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
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• Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice anything different?"
• "Baywatch."
• There is always a game on somewhere.