Scream - Rules To Survive A Horror Movie

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There are certain rules one must abide by in order to successfully survive a horror movie. For instance, number one... no sex! Big no, no! Big no, no! Sex =Death Ok? Number two....Never drink or do drugs. The sin factor, its a sin! Its an extension of number one! And number three... Never ever-ever, under any circumstances say I'll be right back -cause you wont be back."

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• 5.) If you break the above rule, never ever invite your boyfriend over
• 6.) Never go to check on your friends....we all know what has happened to them already
• 7.) If you are a female, never show your breasts, easy women are expendable. And to go with that rule, don't wear shirts that reveal your breasts really well, or one that your nipples show through...not a good idea.
• 8.) DO NOT go into the dark room.
• 9.) Stay a virgin, trust me, you will survive
• 10.) Don't go burying your dead pets in foreign cemeteries, because if it didn't work for the Creeds, it sure as hell won't work for you.
• 11.) Don't answer the phone!
• 12.) Never go outside to investigate a strange noise.
• 13.) Never just stand there crying, mourning the loss of dead friends, RUN YOU TWIT! You may be next!
• 14.) Never unmask the killer, it will only piss them off more.
• 15.) If you are a janitor....quit! You are usually one of the first people suspected.
• 16.) Don't hide in the closet...that's the first place they look!
• 17.) When it seems that you've killed the monster, never check to see if it's really dead.
• 18.) Don't go back into the house or go into a house you think a murderer might be! What, are you stupid or something?
• 19.) Never have sex in the bunk-beds of recently renovated summer camps. It's a sure way to give you a most unpleasant death.
• 20.) Never walk backwards, you will either run into the killer or the dead body of a friend or loved one
• 21.) If you are home alone and hear a noise coming from another room or outside your window, don't assume it's just the house settling or the wind.
• 22.) When something bad is chasing you, bear in mind that when you try to start your car, no matter how reliable the vehicle is normally, you'll have to crank the engine over many times before it will fire up.
• 23.) If you are planning to do something evil or vindictive at your prom... don't go! You will surely get killed!
• 24.) Do not search the basement, especially when the power has just gone out.
• 25.) If you're a male, get out of there as fast as possible! The only one who ever survives is a female.
• 26.) If the phone lines are dead, and you hear footsteps upstairs, when your supposed to be alone, don't follow the noises to see who your "guest" is . LEAVE IMMEDIATELY. Unless you want to die!!
• 27.) Don't trust ANYONE!
• 28.) If you stumble across the body of a dead friend, do not go looking for the rest of your friends, because they're probably dead.
• 29.) When going down the basement stairs, (You will... you ARE in a horror film, right?) always send your little brother/sister/grandpa/grandma down first; this'll tell you if something's hiding under the steps.
• 30.) If you plan to lose your virginity at summer camp or while a psycho killer is on the loose, well, at least you'll die happy.
• 31.) Don't open the closed door, curtain, window or anything, especially if you hear scratching, heavy breathing, or any other strange noises from the other side.
• 32.) Never pick up the phone and call for help, chances are your phone will be dead and the next thing you'll see is the monster swinging some sort of sharp object.
• 33.) If you hear weird music start to play, run like hell.
• 34.) If you answer the phone and hear someone breathing heavy on the other end, never assume it is your boyfriend playing a trick on you. And never, never, never, say "come on over, my parents are gone for the weekend."
• 35.) While in a horror film, never bathe, especially when in the house alone.
• 36.) Self-sacrifice is a bad idea, as the person you saved will usually die anyway.
• 37.) If you're not a main character, suicide is a quicker and easier way out.
• 38.) Never enter a home that you've either heard a scream from or there is no sign of life when there should be
• 39.) If you are a child, don't panic! Monsters only attack overly horny teenagers. Children can NOT be killed in a movie, but there are 3 things that can happen to you... A.) possessed or absorbed B.) you will kill someone and when you become a horny teen
• 40.) Your dog can take care of itself...
• 41.) So can your spouse...
• 42.) And your kids.
• 43.) When you have the benefit of numbers, never pair off or go off alone.
• 44.) When your flashlight batteries die, and they will, so will you.
• 45.) If the young girls of the neighborhood sing songs about the town boogie man while jumping rope, consider moving.
• 46.) Never try to kill a monster the same way it was done before. (This must cause something real, real bad because no one ever tries it.)
• 47.) If you set the monster on fire, or he is set on fire, he will not die but instead try and fight you while he is on fire, or come back to kill your children in their dreams.
• 48.) Turning around in general is a bad idea, as the monster is usually waiting right there for you
• 49.) Carry weapons with you at all times, no matter what or where you are going!
• 50.) Always use the buddy system. Also, make sure that your buddy is slower, weaker, or dumber than you are.
• 51.) Never ever engage in any sexual activities
• 52.) If you have broken the above rule, never go out of the room and leave your partner, you'll both be dead within a few minutes.
• 53.) Never buy your kids a toy that talks back.
• 54.) Never watch a horror movie while you're in a horror movie. You might give the psycho who is about to kill you, an idea how to do so
• 55.) Falling asleep is a very bad idea.
• 56.) Pigs blood is not now, nor has it ever been, funny.
• 57.) Remember, the hot teenage babe you're having sex with will eventually turn into either a vile demon or your dead grandmother, so be quick and keep your eyes closed. Or just enjoy it while you can because you'll get up to get something, and die...and
• 58.) Never marry anyone named Michael, Jason, Freddy, or Carrie Just to be on the safe side...ya know;)
• 59.) If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are female. (Horror movies are sexist aren't they?...Then why do I watch them?;) Also note that, although you are running and the monster is merely shambling
• 60.) If you have followed all these rules, and you have survived the first horror movie you are in.... sorry to be the one to break the news to you but... you will die in the next one!